[[Game Information]]
HONK!!
Your head snaps up, alert, and you push the gas pedal, closing the small gap between you and the Chevy Tahoe in front of you. The asshole who honked at you flips you off in your rear view mirror. You sigh. It's hard being Shane Martin.
You're sitting in the car in highway traffic. This often happens when you're on your way to your teaching job at Emerson. Normally, you'd be content with silence, or at least the closest you could get to it while having to deal with the car horns of assholes like the one behind you. But today, things are different. You turn on the radio to soothe your aching soul, and that's when you hear it: the sweet sound of Michael Jackson telling you to beat it.
[[Turn it up!]]
[[Contemplate life.]]You crank it up. Your entire car vibrates to the beat of Beat It, and you find yourself engulfed in a wave of nostalgia that brings back old memories of your high school days when you were but a lad. Back then, you had a cover band with your friends. This is a strong hit of Michael-Jackson-induced nostalgia, and you instantly recall that you covered Queen and Michael Jackson. The band name?
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]]
[[Something with a W... The Walkmans?]]
[[Nevermind about the band name. Turn it up all the way!]]Soundwaves enter your ear canals. Something about the words of Michael Jackson's his song Beat It really speaks to you. It brings back old memories of your high school days when you were but a lad. Back then, you had a cover band with your friends. You think you can recall them covering Queen and Michael Jackson. What were you called... It's on the tip of your tongue...
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]]
[[Something with a W... The Walkmans?]]
[[I think I remember being a part of something called ACDC...]]
[[Man, I'm really thirsty right now.]]Yeah! That's it! The Moonwalkers! Ah, the great times you had. Back in those good ol' days, you were the lead singer, lead guitarist, lead drummer, and the lead tambourinist. Some guy named Greg was on bass. You wonder if Greg is still alive. Probably not good to dwell on that. Reminiscing about good times, you think of all the dreams of yours that have been crushed throughout the years. Sure, your life is great... but what if it could be //better//? What if you were a //rockstar//? Yeah... that's a nice thought. In this pivotal moment, you make the decision to
[[Make a U turn right now and make a beeline for home to start living out your musical dreams]]
[[Get off at the next exit, turn around, and head home to start your new career as a musician]]
[[Go to the job you already work at like a sane human being who cares about their finances would]]That has a nice ring to it, but you're starting to think maybe it didn't start with a W. maybe it was somewhere in the middle. Maybe the start of part of a closed compound word... Maybe its...
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]]
[[Maybelline]]Yeah, it was probably -- wait... No, no, it wasn't that.
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]]
[[Something with a W... The Walkmans?]]
[[Man, I'm really thirsty right now.]] Yes. Yes you are. But you're in traffic on the highway, and unfortunately, there is no plumbing in your car. You'll have to make do. Now get back to the main plot and try to recall the name of your band.
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]]
[[I think I remember being a part of something called ACDC...]]
[[Something with a W... The Walkmans?]] Smartass.
[[I think it was The Moonwalkers?]] You crash right into the car next to you.
That's what you get for making a U-turn in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Jesus. What are you gonna do now? You know you have to pay for that, right? You really can't afford the financial instability of taking on a new career right now. Your best bet is just to go to work and hope your wife doesn't murder you for wrecking the car. What a loser.
[[Go to the job you already work at like a sane human being who cares about their finances would]]You wait patiently until you get to the next exit, then turn around and head home. Time to start again!
That night, you phone into each of the colleges you teach at and tell them
[[Is it cool if I continue to teach there at reduced hours while I reunite my high school band?]]
[[I'm quitting, effective immediately, and it's all your fault.]]
[[I'd like to put in my two weeks.]]
[[New phone who dis?]]Well, you go to your job. It's fine, you guess. Then the next day, you do the same thing. And the next day. Not the next day, because it's saturday. Not sunday either. But the day after that you do. And the day after that. And the day after that. Eventually, you retire, your kids grow up, and you find yourself content and happy. Despite all this, you're not a rockstar, so in the end, that means you lose at life. Sorry.
Uh oh. You've reached THE LIFE YOU ALREADY HAVE ENDING. This one is okay, I guess, but, like, it's not really the goal of the game. Try again.
[[you lose]]Wow! Looks like you done messed up! I'll give you another shot, but only because you look like you could really use it. Click on "start" to head on back to the beginning of the game.
[[Start ]] You crank up the volume as high as it will go. Your car speakers blow out. Damn, lost the nostalgia. You can't remember a goddamn thing anymore. Oh well. Guess you'll just have to go to work.
[[Go to the job you already work at like a sane human being who cares about their finances would]] ''College'': "No"
So you tell them
[[I'm quitting, effective immediately, and it's all your fault.]]
[[I'd like to put in my two weeks.]]
[[New phone who dis?]] You slam down the phone like a badass, ready to live your life free. Then you remember you have a smartphone, not a housephone. Your screen has cracks now. Darn. Oh well, at least you're a rockstar now!
[[Time to call up Greg!]]
[[I don't need Greg. All I need is myself!]]
[[Wait. Actually, I'm gonna call those colleges back and apologize. That was a stupid thing to do.]]You do the responsible thing and put in your two weeks. You finish up work two weeks later. Your wife isn't happy about your decision to drop a financially stable job as a professor to go play music, but you can't please everyone, right? You think maybe it's time to call up Greg.
[[Time to call up Greg!]]
[[I don't need Greg. All I need is myself!]]
[[Wait. Actually, I'm gonna call those colleges back and apologize. That was a stupid thing to do.]] The colleges are angry that you wasted their time with your shenanagins. As a result, you are fired. Maybe it's time to call up Greg and get the ball rolling on this whole rockstar thing.
[[Time to call up Greg!]]
[[I don't need Greg. All I need is myself!]]
[[Wait. Actually, I'm gonna call those colleges back and apologize. That was a stupid thing to do.]] Greg no longer exists.
[[I don't need Greg. All I need is myself!]] That's the spirit! You've got all the instruments you need in storage, so you spend the evening getting them all set up in your garage. Then you put an ad out on Craigslist that asks
[[For a music manager]]
[[If anyone has any butter I could borrow]]
[[For a marketer]]
[[If anybody wants to join your band]]You dial up each college individually and ask if you can have your job back.
''College'': "Nuh-uh."
Well that sucks. I guess you //have// to be a rockstar now. Should you call Greg?
[[Time to call up Greg!]]
[[I don't need Greg. All I need is myself!]] Miraculously, you instantly get a response from the all-talented Gabby, a masterful music manager who will definitely make you a star!
[[I think I'll keep looking.]]
[[Cool! I'll hire her!]]This dude from Frezno responds. That probably won't work out. Then somebody from down the street sees your ad and responds.
''Somebody from down the street'': Hey, I saw your ad. I will bring you butter tomorrow, Shane.
Sweet! Now that you've got tomorrow's dinner handled, it's time to get back to business. You send out another Craigslist ad. This time, it asks
[[For a marketer]]
[[For a music manager]] A local marketer named Sherry responds to your inquiry.
''Sherry'': I'm interested in helping you out. What's your manager's name?
[[Uh... I don't have a manager yet.]]
[[Uh...Sherry...Two.]]
[[I'm sorry, that question is a little to personal.]]No, Shane. Nobody wants to join your band.
So you send out another Craigslist ad. This time it asks
[[If anyone would like to join the band]]
[[For a music manager]]
[[For a marketer]]
[[If anyone has any butter I could borrow]] Dude. Take a hint. Nobody wants to join your band.
You send out another Craigslist ad. This time, you ask
[[For a music manager]]
[[For a marketer]]
[[If anyone has any butter I could borrow]]
[[If anyone would please join my band? It's so lonely with just me.]]I think it's pretty clear you're not gonna make it in the industry at this point, buddy. Sorry to break it to ya. Maybe you should just give up now.
Uh oh. You've reached REALLY ACTUALLY QUITE SAD LONELY ENDING. This one sucks. Try again.
[[you lose]]Sherry responds.
''Sherry'': You should probably get yourself a manager, kid. You won't make it in this industry without one.
You decide to take her advice to heart, so you send out a Craigslist ad asking
[[For a music manager]] She responds.
''Sherry'': Perfect. What's Sherry Two's contact info? I'd like to get ahold of them so we can get right to work.
[[Don't reply]]
[[Their phone number is 57598437813, and their work email is Sherry_Two@Gmail.com. I look forward to working with you.]]
[[Banana?]]
[[Uh... I don't have a manager yet.]] She replies.
''Sherry'': If you're not willing to give me the necessary contact info, I'm afraid I can't help you. Sorry, bud.
You think that maybe you should actually get a music manager. So your next Craigslist ad asks
[[For a music manager]] You never hear from her again. Weird. You're starting to think you should hire a manager first, so you go on Craigslist and send out an ad calling
[[For a music manager]] You never hear from her again. Weird. You're starting to think you should hire a manager first, so you go on Craigslist and send out an ad calling
[[For a music manager]] You never hear from her again. Weird. You're starting to think you should hire a manager first, so you go on Craigslist and send out an ad calling
[[For a music manager]]
[[For all bananas to rise up and begin the banana revolution]]You succeed in overthrowing humanity. Good job. You win.
Congratulations! You've reached THE BANANAS CONQUER ALL ENDING. This is the best ending. You should celebrate. Now go play again and try to get all the different endings! It only gets worse from here!
[[Start ]] I think it's pretty clear you're not gonna make it in the industry at this point, buddy. Sorry to break it to ya. Maybe you should just give up now.
Uh oh. You've reached THE LOOKING FOREVER ENDING. This one sucks. Try again.
[[you lose]]You've just taken your first step to becoming the real deal! What a relief, too! After a quick Google search, it turns out that Gabby trained under Wes Jackson and is taking the music industry by storm! In the following days, you and Gabby meet face to face at her office to discuss your new career. Gabby knows the industry well, and lays it out straight to you that her job is to make sure your goals are met as well as the record label. Seeing as you're a one man band, Gabby offers to work for you at a rate of 15% of the income from your music. What do you say?
[[That's too high. I'll give her 5%]]
[[That's too high. I'll give her 10%]]
[[That's fair. I'll give her 15%]]
[[That's too low. I'll give her 95%]]''Gabby'': No can do. I know you're new to this so I won't walk out on you for that, but I also can't take that deal. I'm asking for 15%, and I think that's reasonable.
[[That's fair. I'll give her 15%]]
[[That's too high. I'll give her 10%]] She looks at you like you're an idiot, which you are.
''Gabby'': Who am I to say no?
It's settled then. She gets 95% of the money to negotiate contracts, run campaigns, and help you create your music, and you get 5%. Gabby suggests you hire a marketing executive to get your brand name out there. She knows a hotshot, Maggie, who she strongly recommends. She gets you in contact with this Maggie fellow, who requests 12% of the total income from your songs if she is to work with you.
[[I don't have 12%, but I can pay you 5%]]
[[You. Deserve. Nothing.]]
[[Sure, I can pay you 12%]]It's settled then. She gets 10% of the money to negotiate contracts, run campaigns, and help you create your music, and you get 5%. Gabby appears agitated at your offer, but eventually agrees. You worry that with a low-end pay rate like this, she may not be as loyal to you if you start to tank in the industry, since she has to be able to sustain herself. On the bright side, you have plenty of money for additional hires, and a nice bonus for yourself. Gabby suggests you hire a marketing executive to get your brand name out there. She knows a hotshot, Maggie, who she strongly recommends. She gets you in contact with this Maggie fellow, who requests 12% of the total income from your songs if she is to work with you.
[[You. Deserve. Nothing.]]
[[12% sounds fair.]]
[[How about 10%?]]It's settled then. She gets 15% of the money to negotiate contracts, run campaigns, and help you create your music, and you get 5%. You might've been able to negotiate it a bit lower, but at least Gabby will be happy with her cut and won't be likely to walk out on you any time soon. Plus, you have plenty of money for additional hires. Gabby suggests you hire a marketing executive to get your brand name out there. She knows a hotshot, Maggie, who she strongly recommends. She gets you in contact with this Maggie fellow, who requests 12% of the total income from your songs if she is to work with you.
[[You. Deserve. Nothing.]]
[[12% sounds fair.]]
[[How about 10%?]]''Maggie'': You're shitting me right? No. >:-(
''You'': Please?
''Maggie'': Ok :-)
Wow, that was easy. But now you have no money to pay yourself, or any future hires. When Maggie and Gabby realize that you've got no money for additional hires, they quit, but not before cashing in that pre-pay you gave them. Now you're managerless, marketerless, //and// broke. Oh well. I guess that means you're not gonna be a rockstar.
Uh oh. You've reached THE ABANDONED ENDING. This one sucks. Try again.
[[you lose]] ''Maggie'': Okay bye.
Well that turned out poorly. Unfortunately, Gabby's a packaged deal, and she quits after you turn down the deal with Maggie. She'd already taken pre-pay, too, so now you're managerless //and// broke. Oh well.
Uh oh. You've reached THE ABANDONED ENDING. This one sucks. Try again.
[[you lose]] ''Gabby'': No you can't. I'm getting a 95% cut, remember?
[[-TO GABBY- Oh. Would you be willing to take a 7% paycut so that I can pay Maggie?]]
[[I don't have 12%, but I can pay you 5%]] ''Gabby'': I already budgeted it.
Shit. You turn back to Maggie.
[[I don't have 12%, but I can pay you 5%]] Maggie seems pleased that you accepted her request, which will keep her loyal if things to South for your brand.
In the coming weeks, Maggie suggests that you adopt a persona. She lets you choose from a few options that will play well with existing and future fans.
[[A throwback to classic 80s rockers]]
[[Sassy and cold, but with a heart of gold]]
[[You want one thing and one thing only: Oreos]]
[[A professor-turned-musician who loves his family more than anything]]
[[A professor-turned-rockstar who recognizes the error of his old boring professor ways and wants to be hip with the kids]]Maggie doesn't seem to happy about it, but she takes it nonetheless. Way to penny pinch, cheapskate.
In the coming weeks, Maggie suggests that you adopt a persona. She lets you choose from a few options that will play well with existing and future fans.
[[A throwback to classic 80s rockers]]
[[Sassy and cold, but with a heart of gold]]
[[You want one thing and one thing only: Oreos]]
[[A professor-turned-musician who loves his family more than anything]]
[[A professor-turned-rockstar who recognizes the error of his old boring professor ways and wants to be hip with the kids]]You're bringing back the 80s, one way or another. The elderly despise you for bringing back the youth-corrupting rock and roll, but adults who grew up with the music are ecstatic about you, and you find a strong following among young adults, although teenagers think you're overrated. It's a dead genre, but you can bring it back. And best of all, it feels //right//.
In order to make you appeal to a larger audience, Maggie hires freelance writer and lead publisher of Independent Alien Press Andy to write an op-ed about you and your music. You're given the option of Downbeat magazine or Rolling Stone magazine, given your current income.
[[Downbeat Magazine]]
[[Rolling Stone Magazine]]Everybody loves a sassmaster. Audiences eat this stuff up! While sassy and witty on stage and for cameras, you do a lot of fundraising and volunteer work on the side that keeps your base loyal to you and feeling good that you're a positive influence. The young adult crowd adores you, and while some of the less pop-culture-inclined parents think you're overrated, many of them adore your acts of kindness. It feels a bit too much like your personality from your professor days, but at least it's true to who you are.
In order to make you appeal to a larger audience, Maggie hires freelance writer and lead publisher of Independent Alien Press Andy to write an op-ed about you and your music. You're given the option of Downbeat magazine, Rolling Stone magazine, or both, given your current income.
[[Downbeat Magazine]]
[[Rolling Stone Magazine]]
[[Both]]Everyone loves Oreos, so everybody relates to your comical Oreo-obsessed persona. Younger kids love you almost as much as they love the cookie monster, which you basically are at this point. Young adults meme you into stardom, and adults don't really seem to pay too much attention to your persona, and are just happy to listen to your 80s music covers. This is a financially secure route, and while it's a little whimsical for you and not really in line with your personality, at least you get free oreos out of it.
In order to make you appeal to a larger audience, Maggie hires freelance writer and lead publisher of Independent Alien Press Andy to write an op-ed about you and your music. You're given the option of Downbeat magazine, Rolling Stone magazine, or both, given your current income.
[[Downbeat Magazine]]
[[Rolling Stone Magazine]]
[[Both]]You've decided to stick to what you know and be true to yourself. Funnily enough, nobody much cares for "true" anymore, and you're left with a dramatically reduced audience, although the following that you //do// have is both demographically diverse and extremely loyal to you, kind of like the Avett Brothers. You get a particularly strong following in your town of residence, Boston, and become a local music icon. This also allows you to experiment with more than one genre of music with your covers, including jazz.
In order to make you appeal to a larger audience, Maggie hires freelance writer and lead publisher of Independent Alien Press Andy to write an op-ed about you and your music. You're given the option of Downbeat magazine or Rolling Stone magazine, but given your current income and style, you're limited to submitting to Downbeat magazine for now.
[[Downbeat Magazine]]It's right up your alley. You play well with a teenage audience, though younger child audiences don't seem to understand you, and adults tend to see you as a bad influence and try to keep you out of their household. This hurts your income a bit, but at least it's true to yourself.
In order to make you appeal to a larger audience, Maggie hires freelance writer and lead publisher of Independent Alien Press Andy to write an op-ed about you and your music. You're given the option of Downbeat magazine or Rolling Stone magazine, but given your current income and style, you're limited to submitting to Rolling Stone magazine for now.
[[Rolling Stone Magazine]]Submitting to Downbeat Magazine gives you great exposure to the relatively small but avid jazz and blues crowd. This boosts your popularity by a bit, but also means that you'll have to adapt your genre in order to keep your newfound fanbase. It all comes down to whether or not you want to change your style.
[[Yes, become more blues and jazz]]
[[I really love that rock and roll]]Rolling Stone Magazine is just the exposure you need to be your big break! Soon, you're a national hit with just about everybody but the blues and jazz communities. Oh well, you can't please everybody! While you've reached stardom, you're not quite a cultural phenomenon yet, so you've got to do something big that'll make you bigger than Jesus. That's when you come up with the perfect album name:
[["Ashaned"]]
[[“Hi, I’m Shane, Here Are Some Queen Covers, but also, some Michael Jackson Songs"]]Rolling Stone Magazine and Downbeat Magazine give you the combined exposure to cover the general public audience and the more obscure jazz and blues crowd to really tie in your classic rock persona! Soon, you're a national hit! While you've reached stardom, you're not quite a cultural phenomenon yet, so you've got to do something big that'll make you bigger than Jesus. That's when you come up with the perfect album name:
[[“Hi, I’m Shane, Here Are Some Queen Covers, but also, some Michael Jackson Songs"]]Life as a blues and jazz artist is fun, but a bit less fulfilling to you than you had hoped. Your income is steady, at least for now, and you get hired for regular gigs in bars and lounges. Ultimately though, now that you've established yourself in the genre, there's no place left to grow your brand.
Years later, however, you get asked by the video game company Bethesda to go down to Maryland to record some original pieces in a 50s blues-rock style for their upcoming game, Fallout 7. You're confident in how your work turned out. Bethesda gives you an option of a higher up front pay and a low cut of soundtrack sales, or a higher cut of soundtrack sales and lower up front pay.
[[High up front pay and a low cut of soundtrack sales]]
[[Low up front pay and a high cut of soundtrack sales]]Double-click this passage to edit it.The game sells well, and you realize too late that you've missed out on a huge sum of money. That's alright though. Being a jazz and blues musician is a comfortable enough life. You play long past the normal age of retirement, but are a local hit, and well liked by those around you. It's nice.
Congratulations! You've reached THE JAZZ ENDING! This one's sort of lame compared to most of the others, but thankfully, you get to try as many times as you want for the perfect ending!
[[Start ]] You wisely choose to take a low up front pay in exchange for a high cut of soundtrack sales. Given the game franchise's popularity, the game's success, and your critically-acclaimed sountrack, it sells like wildfire, and you make enough money off of it to retire while you're ahead. Life is good.
Congratulations, you reached THE FALLOUT ENDING! It's a pretty decent one, but you're encouraged to try again and go for the gold!
[[Start ]] With such a universal name, it's no wonder it's a smash hit. Maggie decides to capitalize on its success by hiring an author to write a narrative novel based on the themes and lyrics explored in the album.
The oh-so-talented-and-handsome Ethan Underhill is hired for the job. With his masterful writing, your thematic genius, and a little help from our publisher friend Andy from Independant Alien Press, the book skyrockets to the New York Times Bestsellers List, and not just catapults, but trebuchets you into the realm of complete and utter stardom. You are a cultural icon. You are the man. The myth. The legend. You are Shane Martin.
Congratulations! You have reached THE SUPERSTAR ENDING! This is the second-best ending in the game, so I encourage you to go back and try for number one!
[[Start ]] It sells fine, but the title doesn't quite do it the justice it deserves. The title appeals mostly to the edgy rocker crowd, and as a result, it doesn't really expand your fanbase. That's alright though, because you're on par with B-lister names like Daughtry and Adam Lambert. You make enough money to retire well before you would have as a professor, which gives you time to raise your kids like you missed out on when you were on tour. You live a good life and are remembered for the next couple decades before your songs slowly disappear off of the radio.
Congratulations! You've reached THE MODERN ROCKER ENDING! This is a pretty good one, but you can still reach stardom if you follow a similar path!
[[Start ]] ''//The Moonwalkers: An Interactive Journey//''
Last updated on February 28, 2018
''Written by''
Ethan Underhill
''Starring''
Professor Shane Martin
''Guest Starring''
Andy Caira
Margaret Lafemina
Gabrielle Pierre
The asshole in the car behind you
This is a choose your own adventure game. All actions taken by the player are done at your own discretion. Some content may not be suitable for younger audiences.
There are currently 4 different losing endings and 4 different winning endings.
Click "start" to go back to the game.
[[Start ]]